crazy times

The past few weeks have been some of the most tragic, inspiring, interesting weeks of my life. On May 4th 2011, tornados ravaged the state of Alabama-including the two cities that I consider my two homes-Cullman & Tuscaloosa. To see the devastation in these areas has been heartbreaking, but to see how these areas have joined together to support each other in this time is so inspiring. People are putting aside their pride, differences, & statuses to serve each other and love each other. I am truly blessed to be able to witness this first hand. To see the damage done by the tornado has been even more eye-opening. The tornados do not discriminate based on economic status, age, or race. A simple wind has demolished homes, cars, lives, & neighborhoods. To see the devastation around me hits me with a huge blast of survivor's guilt & an amazing amount of surprise & awe at people who have survived and the lack of bitterness that resonates with them. I know people are bitter & hard. It's hard not to be. I don't think I would be the picture perfect of calm if I emerged from my home to see my neighbors' homes standing on my right & left. I am still trying to digust how this happens. This is not a punishment for evil in the world, but there is evil in the world and as much as God protects us we must go through these trials. The thing this event has reminded me the most of is that we are not of this world. This is such a temporary place-this is not our home. We build it up and create our nests of comfort, we adjust and conform but then something like this happens and it makes it all the more clear how temporary life is.

God in a Box

Today it hit me of how much of a box I try to fix God into. I don't ask for too much, I don't give him to much responsibility because of a fear of what that could do to my own faith. Being the type-A personality that I am, I have always lived with the idea that "I am sure that I can do it just fine"-asking for help is weakness. I don't want God to think I am whinny (I feel like God-if he wanted to-would have some other choice adjectives that would go way beyond whinny). In the eve of Easter Sunday, I have been thinking a lot about Jesus's death on the cross. I think it is really easy for me to doubt the death of my savior. Logically I get it, but on some level, I don't want to because if/when I do get it, I realize what a huge gift that is. I feel as if I have such a debt that I would owe. if you really get how big/symbolic/loving that gift is, how do you ever begin to try and repay it. Here is the concept I find the hardest to grasp=you can't. My human instinct is to reject that. Surely there is something I could do to make up for what He did for me. There isn't. God gave this gift, this grace, this love freely without request, need, required payback. So crazy to wrap my mind around.

Lord, give me the faith to let you out of the box.

wow 2010

Happy New Years! It is officially 2011 (which is going to be such an epic year by the way-I can feel it in my bones). As I look toward the future, I can help but feel super grateful for everything that this past year has given me.

1. Started out in Palm Springs with my lovely amazing hippy grandparents. love.

2. National Championship trip, epic way to start the new year

3. Surviving the hardest semester ever

4. Ecuador for the summer, an entire spent hanging out with God and some amazing new people

5. Two Nashville trips with my beautiful friends

Can't wait to see what 2011 has to offer!

Rambling

These past couple of days I feel as if I have been presented with the feeling of timing and God's timing in everything. I just found out my cousin has cancer. It is in advancing stages and the outcome is looking pretty bleek. He was the first grandchild on my dad's side, probably everyone's favorite cousin (including mine), and the father of two adorable kids, lily (4) and olivia (1). He is the first one in my family to really be sick which is suprising simply because he is one hoss of a guy. I love him and so does my family. For the last couple of weeks, I have heard the word prayer. I feel like God was pointing out to me how my prayer life is lacking and ways I could improve it. He also has put some pretty great people in my life who have really shown me how the christian should pray. I was excited about this development but more for selfish reasons. Now I am realizing that God was preparing me for this moment. I will pray like hell for my cousin, and I hope everyone else will too.

Decisions

I have always heard the phrase "Be still" in reference to God in church. Be still? How can I be still. I have work, school, friends, family-I am a multitasker after all. Over the last couple of weeks a new word has been infused into any bible study, devo, book I attend or read. ABIDE. I love this word. Why? Because it implies choice. You have to decide to abide. The more I think about it the more it seems it should be the only way to go: I want to do it for the rest of my life: abide in the comfort of God's arms, the warmth of His spirit, the calm of His presence. Being still to me requires no effort, no decision, no choice. I hope to choose to dwell in the presence of God all of my days.

Stolen from the TOMS blog

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

I'm Back!

Wellll I guess I'm back doesn't mean anything to anyone who didn't read my ecuador blog from the summer. I am also fully and painfully aware that no one will read this blog. Honestly I just really missed my ramblings from Ecuador. There is something really freeing and emptying about blogging (again, even if just your parents read it). It was almost like therapy for me, and since school is just starting back, I feel like I could definitely use a little bit of therapy already. So basically this blog is going to be just me, rambling, probably more about spiritual stuff since my day to day life mainly consists of making macaroni from a blue box & painting my fingernails. My youth minister (who is kind of awesome, but don't tell him I said so) once was telling us that if God speaks something into your life, something that inspires, comforts, or helps you, it is your responsibility to tell someone else about it, so that is what I am going to try to do on here. so yeah here it goes!

I just got back from a truly amazing summer in Ecuador, amazing people, amazing country, amazing God. Now I am back at the University of Alabama and trying to piece together how to hold on to that lifestyle in what some would call the real world, fun times right? It is so easy to get all caught up in the stress of school when all God really wants you to do is breathe. Seriously I have had to tell myself to breathe like 10 times already. Just to update everyone, I am a senior and so are most of my friends. Everyone is making life decisions and having to make them pretty quick-Luckily for me I am graduating a semester late, so my strategy for this situation is to pretend like it's not really happening. It's working well so far. Actually honestly that is one of the things I really learned this summer is that everything works out. God has the plan, you just have to take the opportunities He puts in front of you. Even if I fail all of my classes this semester (I have no idea btw why this is such a concern of mine, it hasn't happened yet), maybe I just wasn't meant to do what I am doing now & He will open the right opportunities for me.

So my advice for the day: Breathe.

Also a disclaimer for this blog: I CANT spell, and since this is my therapy, I normally don't read over my paragraphs after I write them. Just apologizing for my future typos :)

Quote of the week from a good friend:

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him
than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness'
on the walls of his cell."

C.S. Lewis (I know! I am obsessed with him too)