God in a Box

Today it hit me of how much of a box I try to fix God into. I don't ask for too much, I don't give him to much responsibility because of a fear of what that could do to my own faith. Being the type-A personality that I am, I have always lived with the idea that "I am sure that I can do it just fine"-asking for help is weakness. I don't want God to think I am whinny (I feel like God-if he wanted to-would have some other choice adjectives that would go way beyond whinny). In the eve of Easter Sunday, I have been thinking a lot about Jesus's death on the cross. I think it is really easy for me to doubt the death of my savior. Logically I get it, but on some level, I don't want to because if/when I do get it, I realize what a huge gift that is. I feel as if I have such a debt that I would owe. if you really get how big/symbolic/loving that gift is, how do you ever begin to try and repay it. Here is the concept I find the hardest to grasp=you can't. My human instinct is to reject that. Surely there is something I could do to make up for what He did for me. There isn't. God gave this gift, this grace, this love freely without request, need, required payback. So crazy to wrap my mind around.

Lord, give me the faith to let you out of the box.